The Biggest Plot Twist in My Spiritual Journey: Zen Doesn’t Look Like the Brochure
So it turns out that spiritual awakening in real life doesn’t always look like incense and inner peace.
The me of many—let’s not get into how many—years ago didn’t know this. She figured spiritual work would turn her into a grounded, glowing, whisper-talking diffuser of wisdom—maybe with a bird on her shoulder and a matcha in hand.
Spoiler: that’s not how it went.
Instead, I stayed me: bubbly, talkative, excitable. Silence? Sometimes. But mostly bouncing through life like a golden retriever with a squeaky toy. 🐶
What I Thought Zen Would Look Like
I assumed that if I healed enough, I’d “graduate” into a peaceful elite:
➡️ A flexible yogi in impossible poses
➡️ Candlelit meditations and unshakable presence
➡️ A low-stress life wrapped in good vibes and income from the universe
My imagined path?
✔️ Connect with divine love
✔️ Clear emotional blocks
✔️ Float through life, glowing
I thought healing would mean never getting knocked off center again. Like typing “Starbucks” into Google Maps and getting handed a Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso.
Turns out, life had other plans.
The Plot Twist: Healing Isn’t Linear
Spiritual growth doesn’t follow a neat checklist. In the thick of things, it can be like a game of emotional hopscotch—one step forward, three sideways, two back, and a surprise face plant for good measure.
Some days, I felt amazing.
Others?
Let’s just say that if you’ve ever found yourself frozen in overwhelm at 10 AM on a Tuesday, wondering if you're having a breakthrough or just burnt out — I see you.
One minute I transcended. The next, I tripped over... nothing.
Turns out, growth didn’t remove the chaos. It just gave me better shoes to walk through it. 👟
In the Middle of the Mess? You’re Not Broken
Eventually, I realized: the mess wasn’t a setback — it was the path.
All that journaling I’d always done? It became a map. A messy, crinkled, tear-stained map — but a map nonetheless.
Here’s the truth no one tells you:
👉 You’re not going backward.
👉 You’re expanding—then learning to live in that new space.
Integration often feels like regression, but it’s actually recalibration.
I didn’t become someone new—I just became more me. Still wandering. Still impulsive. Still blending last-minute plans with the strategy and project management I rock in my day job. Still biting off more than I can chew—but now I trust myself to chew it.
Once I stopped chasing the brochure version of Zen, something shifted. Zen stopped being something I performed. It became something I lived.
Today, My Real-Life Zen Looks Like This
📍 I still get lost—but I enjoy the detours.
🗓️ My calendar is chaotic—but it’s filled with what I love.
🎨 I choose inspiration over chores and feel minimal guilt about it.
I meet the same messy life with more trust, softness, and self-compassion.
This isn’t the serene Zen I imagined.
It’s better.
If You’re in the Middle of the Mess — Keep Going
If your version of healing doesn’t look Instagrammable — good! You’re doing it right.
Your Zen might not involve mountaintop revelations. It might look like laughing five minutes after a breakdown, skipping your to-do list to follow your gut, or finding clarity in the middle of total chaos.
That doesn’t mean you’re lost — it means you’re in it.
And you’re not alone.
✨ Want to know what’s actually getting in your way? Take the Zen Disruptor Quiz.
It’ll help you uncover the hidden patterns pulling you off center in your spiritual growth journey—and show you how to work with them (not against them) to find more peace in the mess.
Or just say hi. Seriously. If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.
You’re doing better than you think. Keep going. 💛
